You have perhaps read or heard about the letter that was sent to an Ontario family about their autistic boy. I only read little snippets that were shared and just they were heart-breaking. I saw more of the letter on the news and it is just sickening. Here is the letter:
Text typed out at the bottom of the post in case this picture isn't readable
Let's add to this that the boy's baseball--which had his name and address put on it because he kept accidentally throwing it into other people's backyards--was returned once completely shredded (can anybody say, "Anger!"?). Having become rather well versed in the more problematic personality disorders, namely Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), these two incidents--which I think it's reasonable to believe they are from the same person--show some serious red flags. Very heavily narcissistic, for one. The idea that they aren't good enough for "this type of neighbourhood" shows a sense of superiority, as do the accusations of "special treatment" (this is called projection--this person is wanting special treatment to not have a handicapped child like him in the neighbourhood, yet the grandmother isn't asking for special treatment; I've lived through this type of projection with an ex-friend I eventually extricated from my life). Over and over, this narcissistic language is there (I can run through it line by line if anybody is interested! :) ). To be that hateful and antagonistic, to suggest that he should be euthanized and body parts donated to science shows an element of ASPD, although not necessarily full out. To react so outrageously is the hallmark of BPD. To be honest, this letter, the way it's written, reminds me very much of my ex-friend who, although not diagnosed, I can say does very clearly fit the diagnostic criteria for BPD and possibly NPD. This letter shows even more NPD than my ex-friend. This is different from some of the stupid things people write online (although people should start paying more attention to how others are behaving online) because this mother went to the lengths of typing it up, printing it off and having it delivered. This is planned and has follow through, not just babbling in the moment.
Of course, one can not make a diagnosis based on a single letter; I will say that there are some serious red flags there, though, and yes, this mother might not have any diagnosable disorder, but it would be good for somebody to look into it! It's time for society to become more aware of these disorders and start really paying attention to things like this. There is so much hiding, out of trying to be understanding or just dismissing someone as being "a jerk". But these disorders go deeper. There is a private side that can behave absolutely horribly and a public side that may seem perfectly normal or just a little odd, "nothing to be concerned about." If people were more aware, they would see these disorders more clearly when they show up in loved ones (or even friendships, as in my case!). So much damage comes from being in relationship with them and, at least in the case of BPD a lot of the time, it is in their best interests to be left to their own devices; like an alcoholic, they need to hit rock bottom before they ever consider seeking help. There isn't a drug that fixes anything, it's part of who they are, part of who they developped into, and really, essentially requires not only many years of therapy (which most don't seek or don't stick with, if they do seek therapy) but retraining to rewire the brain. (NPD and ASPD are, to be honest, pretty much impossible to fix. It is in people's best interests to figure out a safe way to end any relationship they have with an ASPD, for sure.) It's one thing to have certain emotional reactions as a result of past abuse or something; it's quite another to actually believe it's okay to behave in many of the problematic ways they do behave and try to keep such behaviour hidden from the public eye. If this mother is behaving this way with a complete stranger, we need to be asking ourselves: How is she behaving toward her husband or children? To be fair, in some families with a personality disordered parent, only one person gets targetted with the bad behaviour. But the others are still witnesses to it. What do you think this does to kids growing up in such an environment? It qualifies as an abusive environment and where I live, can result in the removal of the children. But they are so good at hiding things in public, the family situation is never properly examined. Although, even there, they can be good enough at faking and have enough control over the rest of the family that a cursory look won't reveal a problem. That's why education is so important so family members themselves can identify and start taking the necessary steps so that they, at least, can have a happier, healthier life.
If this letter reminds you of your mother or a friend or someone you know, or perhaps you are the husband or child of this woman who has managed to find your way here, I would recommend you read this book:
Although I don't have a borderline mother, I read this book to understand the disorder more, especially since I believe my ex-friend to be a borderline mother. Lawson doesn't say it, but her different categories of BPD mothers basically break it down into mothers who are BPD and have narcissistic traits, who are BPD and have ASPD traits, and a couple other personality disorders that are not as "bad" on their own, but provide a whole twist to BPD. Some can have more than one personality disorder or can have a single personality disorder with some strong traits of other personality disorders. In any case, if the letter makes you think of someone you know, I highly recommend the book. And if you are simply interested in psychological/psychiatric matters as I am, I still highly recommend the book. It is an eye opener.
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Full text of the letter in case there is an issue with the image:
To the lady living at this address:
I also live in this neighborhood and have a problem!!!! You have a kid that is mentally handicapped and you consciously decided that it would be a good idea to live in a close proximity neighborhood like this???? You selfishly put your kid outside everyday and let him be a nothing but a nuisance and a problem to everyone else with that noise polluting whaling he constantly makes!!! That noise he makes when he is outside is DREADFUL!!!!!!!!!! It scares the hell out of my normal children!!!!!!!! When you feel your idiot kid needs fresh air, take him to our park you dope!!! We have a nature trail!! Let him run around those places and make noise!!!!!! Crying babies, music and even barking dogs are normal sounds in a residential neighborhood!!!!! He is NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He is a hindrance to everyone and will always be that way!!!!! Who the hell is going to care for him?????? No employer will hire him, no normal girl is going to marry/love him and you are not going to live forever!! Personally, they should take whatever non retarded body parts he possesses and donate it to science. What the hell else good is he to anyone!!! You had a retarded kid, deal with it… properly!!!!! What right do you have to do this to hard working people!!!!!!! I HATE people like you who believe, just because you have a special needs kid, you are entitled to special treatment!!! GOD!!!!!!!
Do everyone in our community huge a favor and MOVE!!!! VAMOSE!!! SCRAM!!!! Move away and get out of this type of neighborhood setting!!! Go live in a trailer in the woods or something with your wild animal kid!!! Nobody wants you living here and they don’t have the guts to tell you!!!!!
Do the right thing and and move or euthanize him!!! Either way, we are ALL better off!!!
Sincerely,
One pissed off mother!!!!
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