Saturday, August 4, 2012

I Have No Business Eating Meat, So Why Do I?

I went to the farmer's market today. As always, busy, busy, full of people and all kinds of neat things to look at. And as always, I saw the packages of meat. And I physically and emotionally reacted. I don't know why it doesn't always affect me that way in the store, or when I'm cooking meat, but at the farmer's market, each and every time, I can feel my facial expression change and my stomach churn. It's even worse when I go by the booth where they put pictures of the animals up to show the different kind of meat they have. There is absolutely no possible way I could buy meat from there for that expressed reason! "Oh, hey, want some elk? Look how lovely they are when they are alive!"

I have no business eating meat. I know this. I somehow put little blinders on and keep doing what I've almost always done, but maybe I need to go to the farmer's market more often to remind myself that I have no business eating meat.

Now, this has nothing to do with the general ethics of eating meat. This is not, "We have no business eating meat." It really is I have no business eating meat. Frankly, I'm just not the kind of person to go around trying to convince others of why they should stop eating meat. It's not my place. And I frankly don't care. lol. That sounds mean, but it's really a matter of I'm not going to spend my time deciding how others should eat. It's got nothing to do with me. Except what my children eat. And I won't even expect them to become vegetarian just because I want them to.

I have wanted to be meat-free since I was 16. That's a long time, given I'm in my late 30s. I keep talking about it in here; anybody reading is probably tired of hearing me go on and on about wanting to be vegetarian and not doing it. I don't know what's stopping me, so that's why I keep talking about it. And the more I connect with the part of me that wants to stop eating animals, the better chance I have of succeeding!

Can you bear with me a bit? I have no business eating meat, I know that in my deepest self. It saddens me, bothers me when I think about it, so why do I eat meat? No, let me be completely truthful to myself here: Why do I keep eating dead animals? There is absolutely no way that I would ever pick up some dead chicken or cow, watch it be prepped for eating, then cook it and eat it. I am clearly mentally disconnected with what I'm cooking and what's going into my mouth and the reality of the situation. It's almost like because I can't figure out what I can eat instead, I'm just going to blindly continue what I've been doing. Bah.

That said, I have made progress around here: more veg suppers are being served, I'm more likely to choose veg options when we go out. I guess part of me would like to be able to just say, "Fine, I'm done!" and that'll be the end of it. Maybe I'm just being unrealistic and keep flip-flopping from one end to the other instead of finding a middle ground. I suppose on thing that's different now than in the past is that I know I will eventually be vegetarian. Before, it was all-or-nothing. Now, no, I'm on a path towards vegetarianism. It'll happen. Someday. But I'll still have this nagging little voice in me asking, "I have no business eating meat, so why do I?"

Did you struggle with a switch to veg*ism? Please share your story in the comments section!

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